As some of you might have notice, I did not write a blog post last week. It was not because I did not have any content to write about, but it was simply because I needed to place my energy into making some changes in my life. But don’t worry I never forgot about you, Warrior Queens!
As the seasons are changing, I wake up now to cold crisp air as Fall begins to approach and Summer fades into the distant memory of 2020. As the season changes, so do my own personal seasons of life. The old is dying off and new beginnings are on the horizon. I know I am ready to move forward from what was, to what will be.
Fall is my favorite time of the year; I feel the most energized and the most productive. The changing colors, the cold brisk air, sipping warm coffee, cozy blankets, and of course watching the famous Hallmark romantic movies on a Sunday afternoon, fill my soul. This time of year, has always been special to me and has always been a time when I do my most productive work as long as I can remember. And this year is no exception.
During the last two weeks, I have been processing, working, and being productive in many aspects of my life. While I made progress in projects and had success in problem solving issues I faced, I had referred to myself as a “Boss Bitch”. But when I did, I felt this unease in the pit of my stomach – I did not like being associated with the term “bitch”. I know this phrase is commonly used in reference to a “go getter”, and I bet many of you have used it yourself, or at least have heard it – but to be honest, I do not like it. And here is why…
Referring to yourself as a “bitch”, especially when paired with “boss” has been associated with being confident, successful and independent – a woman who speaks her mind and stands up for what she believes in. According to Urban Dictionary a “Boss Bitch” is also someone who is 100% real, unique, fierce, and has big dreams, advocates for women empowerment, and has a strong mindset. All of these characteristics sound amazing and are all things “I” want to be associated with; I just don’t want to be associated with the term “bitch”. To give context, the term “bitch” means a female dog, someone difficult or unpleasant, and an expression for displeasure – y’all these are all negative terms that reinforce a stereotype of strong women being unpleasant and difficult to work with, “a bitch”.
Remember my post R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Do you have it? where I talked about Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortex being called a “Fucking Bitch” by Rep. Yoho? If you don’t, I encourage you to check it out. The use of the term “bitch” was nothing more to try and put a strong woman down – it was disrespectful and disgraceful to ALL women. So why would someone want to be associated with a term that is used for disrespect and disgrace? Why would you want to disrespect yourself if you have used this term before to refer to yourself? For me, I don’t want to use the word “bitch” to refer to my strength and leadership as it continues to support the very efforts women are trying to fight against – disrespect toward women. I want to use words that uplift me, and use a phrase that is empowering – this is why I have begun to refer to myself as a “Boss Queen” and here is why….
The term “queen” is meaning a female ruler, a woman regarded as excellent or outstanding of its kind, a woman who holds important positions, and is powerful. This is what a “boss bitch” is trying to mean, so why not replace the word “bitch” with “queen”, a term that is actually intended to mean a strong and powerful woman! I am not a bitch – I am a strong, confidant, important, and outstanding woman who takes care of business – I AM A BOSS QUEEN! And guess what – SO ARE YOU!
This idea of a “Boss Queen” has been rolling around in my mind these last few weeks. The reason being, is because women get things done. Historically and in the present. For instance, women leaders are being shown to be the most effective in combating the pandemic of Covid-19. A Forbes article by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox, talks about what do countries with the best Coronavirus response have in common – women leaders! From Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, to Tsai Ing-wen in Taiwan, to Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern in New Zealand are just to name a few among the many other women who have met this virus head on and made huge strides in fighting it. While their male counterparts are struggling (*cough* *cough* Trump) these women are being “Boss Queens” and are taking charge and are not letting their egos get the better of them. These women are strategically thinking and getting work done without relying on others to take care of it for them. They just are doing it, no questions ask and no hesitation, they see a need and are taking care of it.
As I learn more about the strong woman in history and today, I noticed one thing they all have in common – they get things done regardless of the challenges the face. They don’t wait around for someone to take care of it for them, they don’t sit there and complain, they don’t just talk the talk, but they walk the walk.
The relevance of this theme to my life is strong – these past two weeks I thought to myself that I am the only one who can make a change in my life. No one is going to just take care of it for me – although it would be nice – but I am the only one who can take that first step. Now I am not saying you can’t accept help while you are changing your life. I am a firm believer in help. But here is the catch, no one is going to help you unless you ask for it. Once again you are the one who has to take the first step, and has to continue taking the steps even if others begin to help.
Let me give you an example – I am in the last phase of my Master’s program. I am now writing my thesis, and soon will defend it. No one is going to write my thesis for me, only I can do that. But I can ask for help and guidance while I am writing it. I can seek friends and colleagues to help edit, give feedback, and provide encouragement – but that is support, they are not writing it for me, but are supporting me while I write it. See the difference?
Another example is this website. I have always wanted to have my own blog and website, but thought I could not do it on my own. When I finally decided to start this blog, I had asked my ex if he could design me a website and help me. He agreed and said he would have a mock up by a certain day – that day came and gone and he never got back to me; in fact, he just did not even do it. I could have allowed his unwilling to help me determine my faith of just not doing a blog, but I did not – the next day I researched the best places to create websites, if I should have a “.com” or “.org”, what is a domain name, how do I buy it, I learned coding, and design set up, and hours later I launched my website and blog! I chose to be a “Boss Queen” and took initiative and created my own website. I became a leader of my own life and empowered myself. This is why I use the term “Boss Queen”, because I am a boss and a respectful leader in my own life making positive changes to create a life I want to have. I am not waiting around for some man to save me, but instead I am saving myself.
So, my fellow “Boss Queens” I encourage you to do the same, stop waiting around for someone to save you, someone to take care of things for you, someone to just hand you want you want. You are powerful, strong, independent, and empowered leaders of your own life. As the seasons change, you change along with it, wake up each morning and ask yourself what is it that I want done. Stop talking the talk without walking the walk. Be the “Boss Queen” not “Boss Bitch”, I know you are and let’s empower each other and finally make a difference in not only our own lives, but in the lives around us. We can change the world, we can change our lives, but it all starts with us taking that first step. Don’t wait around for someone else to do it for you, you have the power to do it for yourself – you are a Boss Queen!
Something I have begun to do that has helped me be a “Boss Queen” is a technique called “Mind Mapping”. This technique helps you focus on a main concept in your life (i.e., career) and determine what are your goals, needs, and wants you want to envision yourself having overtime. You can apply this technique to all aspects of your life – including relationships. I encourage all you “Boss Queens” to create your own “mind map” and begin to make change in your life.
For now, my warriors (Boss Queens) – be loved, be kind, and know you are loved!
Until next time…
-Alyssa, the salt woman
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The Salt Road Journey 